Today was a tough one mood wise. Extreme irritability/anger was triggered on my way to my IV appointment because it was practically impossible to find a spot to make a left hand turn onto the road I needed to get on in order to get to the office because of some race. I got so worked up that my muscles got so tense they were sore when I finally got to my appointment. By the time I got home from my appointment and another errand, I was numbed out and depressed, especially since I had nothing fun to do. I haven't been able to handle much all day-couldn't get myself to go into the grocery store because of how crowded it was and couldn't get myself into the pharmacy because the turn lane got blocked seconds before I got to it so I just took the long way home instead. My mood is so sensitive, dealing with trying to turn around on the busy street it's on was just to much to do. I've had SI thoughts throughout the day too. Regretting choosing to see family over my Thanksgiving break isn't helping things-the last couple phone calls with my mom have been AWFUL so I am sure seeing her in person/being at her house is not going to go well. Oh, and I've had a small amount of paranoia the last two nights.

I'm going to keep taking my meds, but every time I get depressed I'm always tempted to just throw in the towel, quit them, and let this stupid disorder run its course since the meds don't provide long term stability anyway. I hate how the smallest things can push me over the edge.

I've had trips home trigger episodes before-I sure hope that's not happing now. If it does, hopefully the brunt of the episode will wait until I get back after Thanksgiving.