Thank you for all of your responses, they were all very helpful.

I will try to write something to her and see how it goes. She might just want to be left alone, especially if she is struggling - which seems to be a near constant. That is awful. She is a really good person, doesn't deserve any of it, and I don't want to make her life more difficult. She certainly deserves a better friend than a loser like me.

What I didn't mention was that two days before my dad died, my ex-fiance contacted me to tell me that she was on the roof of her high-rise apartment and would jump. I didn't know for three months that she didn't jump. She is the love of my life that - in typical fashion - I failed at. She lives overseas and I have many posts on this board about her.

It is telling that no one here thought that my friend ignoring me was wrong. We were both hurting and neither of us was reaching out to the other. That gives me more pause about how I should proceed. Her not messaging me was not wrong, she is more important than I am. It is abundantly clear that I am nothing.

I just wanted to try to make her smile in my own pathetic and awkward way. I failed. It is hard to hurt oneself when they are smiling.

Hopefully, a heartfelt, but light message will not make her day worse and perhaps make her smile. She was my last friend, which makes my (in)actions even worse.

Thanks again, everyone.