I remember your posts about this woman from across the globe, the one that kept ghosting you. I am shocked to see you are referring to her as “fiancée”, you never mentioned being officially engaged to her at all. No engagement was ever mentioned. All of a sudden she’s a love if your life and a soul mate yet you essentially don’t know her, mer her once and she was communicating to you online on and off. Supposedly she also got married without telling you.

Your judgement of the situation is concerning. You are in danger to fall for another scam if you don’t accept reality

I think you were under a spell of limerence over this online woman at the time that clouded your judgement about reality and it effected your ability to maintain friendship with this new woman friend on this forum (from what I understood you are referring to someone you’ve met on this forum?) . In addition to it, your father passed so stopping communication in online forum is understandable. If this woman (on this forum) was concerned what happened to you, she could contact you. She didn’t. So I am not sure you should beat yourself up over it and worry about apologizing

Same as a previous poster I am concerned you are putting yourself down in somewhat extreme fashion, calling yourself all kind of names and blaming yourself for things you didn’t cause.

At this point maybe you could focus on accepting yourself and honoring your good qualities and stop beating yourself up. It seems that you once again are preoccupying yourself with people online-there seems to be a pattern. How well do you know this person on the forum? You sent each other memes? Was there a promise of friendship or relationship? Is she still on this forum? Why are you saying she’s more important than you and you are nothing? That’s concerning. Somebody you don’t even know means more to you than you mean to yourself? It shouldn’t be the case.

You have value. Shift your focus please.