Quote:
Originally Posted by NovaBlaze
You have been through really awful times. In terms of looking back and reproaching yourself for not noticing signs earlier, or asking for more time from your parents - don’t beat yourself up over these decisions. You did what you did at the time because of the circumstances your were under. It’s all too easy to look back and think about what you should have done, but that’s being incredibly unfair on yourself. You have the benefit of hindsight now, but you didn’t at the time. Other people manipulated you and were incredibly cruel to you, sadly, including the set of people you should always be able to rely on - your parents.
I really feel for you, having gone through all of this. You’ve done incredibly well to survive it, and while you may not feel it, you are incredibly strong. I’m not sure I would have survived what you have. I guess what I am saying is please give yourself a whole ton credit.
You may be single, and you may have tough times ahead of you, but you are facing them on your own two feet. The people who abused you and deserted you should hang their head in shame.
Going forward, you now have the experience to be cautious and careful as to who you let into your life - that’s a positive. If you recognise that you have tendency to be taken advantage of, at least you have recognised this and you can take it into account.
I hope other people have told you how well you’ve done to get through all of this.
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NovaBlaze, you are very insightful and incredibly kind. Thank you so much for all your support and kindness. I appreciate it more than you even know. I have been treated so poorly by so many different people for so long, that when someone is kind to me, it makes me cry in gratitude.
And you're totally right. I cannot go back and change what's been done and I shouldn't beat myself up over the decisions I made back then. I didn't know much, or enough, about narcissism or narcissistic abuse at the time. Now I know better. And my parents kicking me out was not my doing or fault.. I had to leave and I had no choice. I could have chosen a different roommate, but I tried and couldn't get anyone that seemed suitable.
Not many people have told me what you have told me, about being strong to survive all that I have. I honestly feel like I've had to be a female warrior, with a suit of armor on, fighting battles, one after another, through blazing burning fires.... and mainly by myself. That's what it's been like - my whole life practically. And I am sick of all of it. I do feel much stronger as a result, but also very alone with it all, except for when I post on here and receive kind replies from kind people such as yourself.
I will try to give myself more credit, where credit is due. I do need to see how much I've gone through and how much I've conquered.
But now I am facing issues at my job, which I wrote about in the work and career forum - I am scared that I am in trouble at work with my boss and another colleague because I got super upset at work yesterday over a reoccurring issue that is impacting my success and my own work.
But that's on a whole separate thread about difficulties I face with my boss, so I won't detail it here too much right now.
I just pray it gets resolved and that I am not in trouble for getting very obviously upset yesterday.
Thank you...
