How do I look at this better?

I was interested in this program, but talked to the admissions guy, and it's kinda insane. The insane I like, but the insane I can't handle. 3 semesters a year for likely 3 years, full time, 30 clinic hours a week/12-16 lecture hours a week, 10% acceptance rate, etcetera etcetera.

It would be great IF I KNEW I COULD GO THREE YEARS WITHOUT BEING HOSPITALIZED AND FKING IT ALL UP!!!!! But, nooo, the longest I've gone without being IP in the past decade was only 9 months and that was because I was seeing a proper drug dealer instead of a psychiatrist (who is more willing to send you to the ER if you're unwell).

And then there's this stupid daily med management BS. Sometimes I can ask 3+ days in advance or there's a holiday they don't do med runs and I'll get one day's worth with the day prior's, but I don't like doing things on holidays (crowds/traffic). I like hiking, which is usually the reason I want meds beforehand, and you can NOT predict White Mountain weather 3+ days in advance. Can hardly predict it 12 hours in advance, especially the Prezis.

I almost hate that bipolar is episodic. It's torture thinking "but it won't last long enough to be able to feel like I have a real life," every time I'm not in an episode.