I'm a complainer, often it is just how I cope with my stress and anxiety.

First, I would not do anything for her without the please and thank you, see if you can't motivate her/get her to notice and motify her complaining a little in that way.

It can be hard when people have different ideas of how to live. I try to keep myself centered on what sort of person I want to be, personally, regardless of what other people want. Do you want to learn (yes learn) to be a helpful person? Would you like someone to help you stay neat and comfy when you don't feel well? Nevermind whether anyone else does or doesn't help you, what kind of person do you want to be? If you are cleaning up, it doesn't hurt to pick up a few more things; think of the exercise you're getting and what it is teaching you and how it is helping you learn patience and compassion/kindness? Resentment (telling her you're not her personal maid) is not helpful to you and will become a habit if you let it?