@Discombobulated. I do feel for you. My relationship with my own father, who passed in 2019, was full of conflict, which worsened significantly in the last year of his life. His mental health was very poor throughout most of his life. To complicate the relationship, we were polar opposites. He was racist, homophobic, and misogynistic. We even had opposing political views.

As a teenager, I never challenged him. As an adult I did. I always tried to do this calmly and rationally. Alas, as he entered his nineties, his mental health deteriorated, as did our relationship. His last words spoken to me were in anger.

Looking back I often wonder if I could have challenged him a little less, or perhaps with more empathy. As I suspect many of us do, I look back and wish I could talk to him one more time, but I’m also aware that in reality nothing would change. I think, overall, I did my best, and that’s all I could do.

Despite this, he was still my father, and not all of my childhood was bad, by any means. I was lucky. Things could have been a lot worse.