Depression really sucks. I'd rather be manic, I don't care how destructive my last bought of mania was, it was better than this.

I did have some positive points today, so I'm trying my best to hold on to those. And my sister did finally call to check on me today. At least the sui thoughts are not constant right now, just flit in and out.

Didn't nap today, so I hope I can sleep well tonight.

I have been wondering if this latest round of depression could have been triggered not only by the stress of the time of year for me but also maybe perimenopause? I mean, my last period was 2 days long (when it usually goes on for a week and then a few more days of spotting). And then yesterday, when I was really thinking the hospital was imminent, I had strong ovary pains on my left ovary, mittelschmerz, I believe is the German name for it. So I'm suspicious my hormones were NOT helping out my mood in the least yesterday. Oh, and then I had night sweats last night which is either due to the change in the quetiapine dose (that always causes me night sweats) or perimenopause. Fun times.