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Originally Posted by Have Hope
I've read that bosses bully when they feel threatened. So I must threaten her in some way.
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I can see how, if she were somehow to get the impression that this might be what you thought of her...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
My current boss who is bullying me now is far less intelligent, and I don't think she's all that successful in her career. She has remained at the same level position for many years, despite. being in the same company for over 21 years. She did not go to a good college, and I went to a very good college. I have also not seen one ounce of her own work since I started there nearly a year and a half ago. I have not seen her develop or give a single group presentation, even though all of us who report to her do, and even though her own boss does. She has not given any presentations in team meetings, even though all of us do.
She is very loud and is a kiss up. She talks out of both sides of her mouth often, and I've seen her talk badly about colleagues behind their backs, while being sugary nice to them to their face.
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...she might feel triggered (or threatened, which is pretty much another word for the same thing).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
I've read in psychology articles that bully bosses bully and target those people they feel inferior and envy towards - those that are more successful and smarter or more competent than they are.
Is this what could be going on? I don't know how I could be offending her otherwise....
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I'm not sure that envying you would always, or often, be a prerequisite for her feeling threatened. If she'd somehow learned, with or without any help from you, to associate being around you with feeling triggered, she'd tend to react to you as a threat. If her reactions tended to throw her off her stride and lead her to respond awkwardly or inappropriately, her resulting embarrassment might incline her to perceive you as even more of a threat.
Unless she were really, really good at tolerating (perceived) threats, she'd be pretty sure to respond at least a little defensively. She might seek to avoid you, or appease you, or assert her right as your boss to tell you what to do (and not do), or find small ways to "zing" you so that you might be motivated to watch your step and keep your distance. She could easily be seeing herself as the victim and you as the bully. If you insisted you weren't trying to bully her, she might decide she was being gaslighted.
If, meanwhile,
you were more adept at tolerating threats -- or threats of threats
-- it might not matter so much to you if she seemed to be reacting badly. However, you sound as if you easily interpret other people's actions as threats to you. You tend to become uncomfortable, blame them, and look for ways to make them stop whatever they're doing. You seem predisposed to see yourself as the victim and others as bullies. If they don't see it that way and protest that they weren't trying to bully you, that may suggest to you that they're just gaslighting you.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to
keep noticing how you respond to whatever happens to you.