I recently chatted with my old friend, who saw my ex only several times. My friend likes him, like many others. And some people don't talk with me now, because they think he was perfect and loved me so much.
But those were people not so close to me, well, I don't have many people.
The best friend of my ex told me he is a narcissist many times, and I didn't get it. Actually, my ex stopped talking with his best friend and forbade me to communicate with him, his wife and his friend. Minus 3 people, because they told the truth to him.
My ex said it causes him pain, that I speak with them.
And he said many times the words I remembered today:
'I would never harm you, no one wants to live with damaged or sad people', - and my mind is blowing now when I understand he was lying all the time.

You are vulnerable, if you love. But no one asked me to love him. Thanks god, I left and now can sometimes cry if I want. Actually can do a lot, but except learning and working, I don't want anything. I can't eat normally, and I can't afford to weigh a little less, it's unhealthy.
It's hard to feel all this alone. I have a therapist tomorrow, but today I just went here. I wanted to write down a lot, but the story was awful. There is no sense in this, to write down another same story.

How long will it be? When can I start feeling better?