I was told the suicidal thoughts were an alarm that went along with feeling hopeless, and that a person feels hopeless when nothing they do is enough or right, or sufficient.

And especially when the way to make peace and strive for connection has been to make yourself even more vulnerable and open (fawn response).

You become unable to see a way forward, because the way forward has been blocked so many times in the past.

@ArmorPlate108 told me anger is the part of you that loves you and wants to protect you. So.... Be angry for a while. You deserve better.

@ArmorPlate108 also told me that setting boundaries means finding the edges of yourself.

Your boundaries are YOUR limits.

The neuropathway stuff @Open Eyes speaks about is true. I've read about that too. Your brain wiring actually becomes messed up over time.

Put up some boundaries and heal some. It's HARD.

If she suddenly comes back promising sex, expect that that is a short term power trip and her testing her ability to hook you again.

Dude, I can't explain the moments of peace I have now.