Luckily, substance abuse is not an issue for me. I don't know how it isn't but even after 5 years on an opioid and too many to count for benzos, I still have no addiction issues.

Since my seizure almost 30 years ago I haven't even drunk alcohol, which is something that affects my mind and sends me into a panic, typically.

My therapist has told me two contradictory things. 1. He has never encountered anyone who has such deeply-rooted depression. My previous T said something similar but she added that it is almost my entire personality, but she sees some of my real personality from time to time. 2. He has never seen someone with severe depression be able to manage life as well as he thinks he does. I am very good at managing my disability income to the point I own a home and have decent-sized savings.

He says that is almost contradictory to my condition. He just doesn't understand that I have lived with it so long that I am used to it.

He was also very surprised that I didn't have a substance abuse problem. He and my pdoc are both so unbelieving that they made me take a drug and alcohol blood and urine screening. That kind of sucks. Never in nearly 30 years at the VA have I tested positive for something I wasn't prescribed and have never run out of meds early. I distrust them both a whole lot now.

Anyway, I am less sure it is terminal but still could be. I guess in my case it will depend if the ketamine treatments offers a way to improve, at least a little.

Hope this makes sense, had a ketamine treatment a few hours ago and they increased the dosage.