Rose, yi ou wrote ". What's needed is immersion in activity that brings about learning, but is not so difficult that it totally frustrate". I think bit am not sure that this is what a notable Russian psychologist of the 20th century Lev Vygotsky called the zone of proximal development. This was one of his main contributions. Posthumously he became quite revered and inspired developmental psychology on the US in late 20th century. I have not read his works but my understanding is that he outlined where parents should function as teachers of their young children and by extension where other teachers should be later in the children's lives. In thr zone of proximal development, a new skill is challenging and a stretch for a child but is learnable and that promotes the skill acquisition. If a parent is trying to model something completely out of reach for a child, the child cannot learn. I do not know if Vygotsky postulated that this experience of being taught something outside of the zone of proximal development is frustrating or emotionally bad for the child but to me it would make sense. The wisdom is in finding that sweet spot of challenging but within reach. If this topic of skill acquisition is interesting to you, you may enjoy reading Lev Vygotsky's work.

I do see all your points. In the whole span of experiences, such as experiences of depression, there is a place for exactly what you are describing and a place for something internally faulty not related to a lack of skills or social interaction. I have even had experiences I called a chemical depression, meaning a depression fully caused by a chemical substance. In 2019 I tried taking Topamax to curb weight gain on Zyorexa, the drug that otherwise was a perfect fit (I have seen switched to another combo and no longer depend on Zyprexa). Soon I realized Topamax was making me depressed. I was about to go to Moscow, the city where I grew up, and at the time when I realized that depression had set it, it was so arresting that I feared that I would not be able to pack. Packing for a trip is a cognitively laden task and especially for me at that time as I had not written down a packing list and relied on the mental list. I was barely able to pack. Of course I stopped Topamax but it had a long shelf life and I was depressed for several days upon arrival. I was scheduled to meet with many of my classmates (from elementary to high school as we in our education system there is no separation of elementary, middle and high school: you are in the same building from start to finish). For most of them, it meant meeting people whom I had last seen in 1988. I thought I would not be able to get dressed and go to the cafe where we were about to meet. My best friend called me (she and I did not go to the same school together). I said that I was depressed and had trouble getting ready to leave the flat where I was staying and go to the little impromptu reunion which, by the way, was organized solely on occasion of my being in town. My best friend was surprised that I was depressed and exclaimed "how can you be depressed when you are in the city where everyone loves you!" I was too weak to explain what it means to be under the influence of a medication that depressed you. I did go to the reunion and ultimately had a very good time, so the social interaction helped to break the spell of chemical depression and after about a day or two I was completely OK as the last traces of Topamax left my system. The rest of the trip I greatly enjoyed myself. I even hosted a little party at the end and reconnected with quite a few people including my former students whom I had not seen since 1991 (when I was in college, I had a part time job teaching English at a lyceum for gifted children). And once Topamax left my system, I no longer felt arresting weakness or that to put together a sequence of simple tasks required to leave house was of unsurnountable difficulty to me. Clearly I did not change as a person in my core social skillset in the course of a week. It was just a chemical taking over and affecting the whole experience. Curiously, when I tried Topamax at other times, it did not cause depression but caused more typical side effects such as word recall problems. And there are people whom Topamax actually helps with moods. I somehow happen to be very prone to mood side effects of medications but, as my psychiatrist points out, I am also sensitive to them in a good way, too, meaning that when we find one that works, a small dose of it sufficies. I can imagine that what I feel as a side effect of an offending substance others feel as part of their wiring. And that is how otherwise social and outgoing people can start to self-isolate and go into a vicious cycle.

I also had short periods of endogenous anxiety that totally changed how I felt or acted, life an 180 degree switch. That I never tried to medicare but justvrode those periods out. But they made me realize that it is possible to lose all access to accumulated skills, social pr of living in general, and become helpless.

Maybe I am describing quintessentially bipolar experiences when a person can become the opposite of oneself.