I have my monthly apartment inspection today and also my monthly meeting with my program manager. I always get compliments on my apartment and how clean and organized it is. Yet I still get anxious over apartment inspections, they stress me out for some reason. Not much else going on today. Gonna get on the treadmill, practice violin, read, and spend time playing with my cat. She's very playful and has a ton of energy all the time so she needs a lot of playtime. She really loves the laser pointer toy I got her recently. She's obsessed with it now.

I just realized I haven't dissociated in 3 whole weeks. That is insane for me. Normally it's at least once or twice a week. At minimum. The EMDR seems to be helping a lot because I keep going longer and longer between my dissocation experiences. I think I've dissociated just once in the last 5 weeks, it was a little over 3 weeks ago and I was able to pull myself out of it pretty quickly and ground myself. I know it will likely never go away completely 100% as it's due to a history of trauma and stress brings it out and my brain tries to protect me by dissociating, but the fact that it's lessened so much in frequency and intensity makes me really happy cause I was so sick of dealing with it all the time.

I think getting out of the year and a half long relationship I was in helped too. Cause that was a lot of stress. Mainly from him, he's a very stressful person. He tends to dump all his stress and his life trauma on me every time we talked and it was a lot to deal with. I could feel my stress levels increase significantly after every time we talked.. So yeah. And he was cheating too which didn't come to light till 3 months after I broke up with him. But that doesnt surprise me either. And him suggesting I smoke weed and take edibles. Which destabilized me really fast and definitely made my dissociation worse too. He has bipolar too but he won't get on meds for it, he thinks weed is the answer to everything. He'd also rationalize everything he ever did wrong etc etc. He's currently "in love" with a woman who's in a relationship with another woman. He writes love songs about her and sends them to her. He also told me he has a ring he wears, that he's had for years and he thinks hes meant to give it to her someday. He said he's not doing anything and that they're (the girl he's claiming to be in love with and her partner) are already "drifting apart" but I really think he doesn't understand that cheating doesn't start with ****ing someone or seeing someone secretly it starts emotionally. And he's wrecking their relationship most likely.. Well good luck to them. He's a chronic cheater, and I'm starting to think hes a bit narcissitic as well.