You may feel like a ''lost child'' but you are an adult.

She is *not* behaving like a therapist, which you are refusing to accept. Moreover, your concepts of what it is to love or care about someone is all messed up. It's like seeing a fire pit in front of you, yet you consciously choose to jump right in despite your own inner guidance and despite the advice given to you here.

But you know what, at the end of the day, it remains *your* decision whether to stay with her or not. In your own words, you do not trust her nor feel safe with her. Your own body is screaming at you how unsafe it feels & to run from her. Yet, you are choosing to stay. She cannot do anything to you (or with you) without your consent. This is where accountability comes into play - you are an adult, you have will, you have agency, you choose whom to give consent to or not.

You have chosen to give consent. So, from what you write, she will most likely do exactly what your PE teacher did. With your consent, this time.