(KAIKA: Yes, kids can be mean, especially about physical traits. I hope you're truly moving on past that painful period.) I don't have children, but if I did, I'd listen to them when they talked about their day at school. Kids need that so much. I'd do something when they say someone treated them wrongly.

I wish I had something physical to blame, for me, 6th grade was a wrong place/wrong time kind of thing. The two main bullies were very, very poor and I now know they were likely from homes with an abuser. There's a certain way an abuser belittles their spouse, evil words roll off of their toungue without a single pause for breath. These boys were way too young to talk like that. I remember just pleading with them to stop and I yelled that I hadn't done anything to them. But I had done something, I tempted them by not fighting back and not having "street sense." They could swear as if swearing were their language. They were inner city kids, I was not. I wasn't rich (barely middle class), but they probably saw me as part of their problem of being poor. I later found out they were teased because they wore the same clothes 2-3x a week and they had free lunch. I never even noticed. They never hit me, but the daily teasing in between classes, before and after school was just as bad.

That same year, I upset a girl in PE because I hit the volleyball after she said, "I got it!" In the locker room, she took my clothes away and had everyone stare while she slapped me several times. I stood there frozen, not believing she would do that just because of a minor mistake. Everyone was always afraid of her because she liked to fight. I hated the thought of going to PE for the rest of the year. There were no more incidents with her, she was the passive bully..you were ok if you didn't pass her.

Kids were generally friendly with me, the 3 people I described were the only problem. I wasn't a loner, I honestly tried making friends. I wanted to talk about important things like what we wanted to be when we grew up or books. Other kids seemed to want to talk about what was on TV last night or songs on the radio. At lunch and recess, I sat quietly with the chubby kid and the real loner, both of whom most EVERYONE teased.

I once thought I had a good friend only to find out she was just being "nice". Towards the end of the year I became friends with a girl who was teased for being "unattractive" and when we talked, we both carefully avoided talking about school. I didn't see her much more because I was redistricted. I felt horrible to leave her behind.

As an adult, I've had a long pattern of not keeping friends for very long, mostly because I have a very, very, very, very low tolerance for any behavior that shows they are jealous or are trying to make me jealous of them. Sooner or later, something is said/done that causes me to need to confront them; I avoid the confrontation and stop talking to them. They never contact me, because they know why I'm upset. Only once have I had a friend admit to being jealous and asked for forgiveness. I trust her with a grain of salt.

Each time I have a friend let me down, I go through a very long, grueling period of stress and remembering the trauma of being bullied. The trauma of wanting to die just to get away from it. The trauma of knowing several adults knew I was in misery and they did nothing to stop it. Now I'm to the point that I fear quitting my job and becoming a hermit.

Some people say that trouble helps to make you stronger, I've always hated that philosophy and wished people would just love each other. However, one thing is for sure. Those 2 bullies from 6th grade taught me to recognize a potential abuser. Whenever I've dated a man who seemed the least bit of a blamer or lacking respect, I've ended the relationship. I never looked back. My boyfriend of 10 years is super patient and kind, and it helps to know he at least wouldn't hurt me the way my female friends have.

I don't have children, but if I did, I'd listen to them when they talked about their day at school. Kids need that so much. I'd do something when they say someone treated them wrongly.