From everything, I now know, I have come to a conclusion. I felt bad for a reason, my ex is a psychopath with a narcissistic personality disorder (even some of my friends fell in love with him and do not believe me), and I found myself in a situation that many have been in. This is good, it means that a way out has already been found.
I asked how this is possible, why do people do this? It turns out that some have been used to getting what they want through manipulation since childhood. Excessively, because at first everyone does this.
The hardest thing is to survive this period of realization. That so many problems that I had no idea how to solve disappeared as soon as I accepted the truth. And a lot of problems appeared also... I spent too much time on him.
I already understood once, but forgot. In the summer of 2017, I learned the truth, and the next morning I forgot. It was so painful.
Well, I think so. And not because he made me forget, he is not omnipotent, but he can do a lot. And now I will do anything, spend huge amounts of not-even-my-money on therapists, look for solutions everywhere, including online. And write what I think, because I was not allowed to think for a very long time. And there is nowhere to write, Twitter posts are short for example, other places empty.
Sure I can write in a copybook, but I was alone too long. It's good that I found this forum among all the other stuff. I was missing something like this, a place where there are people who have seen some sh*.