“Instead they rely on the alcohol as a way to reduce emotional regulation ”

I think this is accurate.

She would drink some to numb…. But 1-2 extra and BOOM you knew she was going to become vicious and hateful. Not necessarily loud, but DARK.

The new therapist I’ve been seeing pointed out some stuff to me that I’d never considered before, with regard to projection.

“When she saw you, did she accuse you of any emotions?”

“Yes, she kept saying how angry I was, but I wasn’t. “

“Yeah. That could be because she was angry, and she needed to dump that emotion on you because she couldn’t regulate it. Did she try to prod you or bait you into becoming angry?”

“Oh my gosh, she hit me with multiple little jabs that I bet most people wouldn’t even notice.”

“Yeah, because she may need to see an external representation of what she is feeling.”

Holey Moley! I didn’t know that was a thing that happened!