Just got done doing my cleaning chores. Slept the majority of the day again. Haven't gotten any submissions read yet. Just want to go back to sleep. I really should take a shower, but I don't feel like it. Motivation at all time low again. Just want to listen to music and dream. I know I really SHOULD get my *** in the shower because it's important to shower everyday or I'll just continue to spiral downwards.

I'm not looking forward to the holidays. I DO NOT want to see extended family. It's too much and I get stressed out and panicky. It happens every year. And I don't really drink, and I have no prns for panic. My diazepam is scheduled, as well as my gabapentin. I could take like 50mg of seroquel I guess. I don't know why I've never done that before. And there's always the mess of there being NOTHING I can eat, unless I bring my own food. Ugh. I don't know. I've just really been stressing. I haven't even been listening to any Christmas music this year. And I always feel uncomfortable receiving presents. I'd prefer if no one bought me anything. I'd ask that, but my husband told me it would make people feel sad. I don't want to make anyone sad.

I think I'm going to start crying.

Fudge! I've only been on half my sertraline dose for two days and I'm ALREADY getting weepy! For fcks sake!!!