The videogame distracted me for awhile. And a read for a bit too. Now I’m dissociating again really bad. I’m really trying hard to pinpoint what it is that triggers it. I can’t seem to come up with a solution. Like I know it’s worse when I don’t have social interaction. It’s worse when I’m alone all day. It’s worse in the afternoons. And it’s worse when I’m stressed. There’s no particular thing that sets it off it’s just like depends.
I wish I had a single thing I knew that set it off then I could work with that and work through whatever it is but I just don’t know.

I hate feeling dissociated. I need to do some kind of grounding exercise.

The reason I hate it so much is cause it feels similar to when I start getting psychosis. So every time I start dissociating even if it’s not psychosis starting I panic and start worrying what if I’m slipping into an episode I’ll never come out of. That’s my fear.

It in of itself is just whatever. Like I feel disconnected, floaty, etc. it’s not like pleasant of course at least to me but it’s not horrible it’s just the association of feeling like I’m losing control that scares the **** out of me and makes it feel 100x worse.