@Blue_Bird - I'm sorry about the dissociation. It happens to me a lot too. I get a lot of watching my life as if through a movie or a disconnect from reality, but what happens to me most often is feeling as my self is not real, and when I realize I feel like this, it is very easy to panic. Like I can't connect my name and all the things that have happened to me in my life to myself as I am at the current moment if that makes sense? I guess the only thing that keeps me from going completely insane is that it just keeps happening and things eventually flip around. I had pretty much almost an amnesia hit me with psychosis, almost like I fell asleep and woke up finding myself restrained in a psych hospital. For me, the psychosis has been less scary than the dissociation because I'd get beyond pretty much thinking about or retaining anything in psychosis until I was coming out of it in the hospital.