So, depression is not winning, but burnout is. It hit me yesterday - I am completely burned out on life and need a real vacation. I haven't flown anywhere since 2019 - that was for my honeymoon. And my honeymoon, the first real vacation I had taken in 20 years, was the worst vacation. My ex husband ruined it for me. He fought with me, he was tense for the first 2 days because he didn't have weed, he became difficult, and I almost didn't marry him because he fought with me the morning of our wedding.

20 years before that, a girlfriend ruined a planned cruise vacation by disappearing and sleeping with a man she met at a bar, leaving me hanging and not knowing where she had disappeared to.

If I do take a vacation, I will go by myself. Everything else I've done all year has been on my own, so why not a vacation? I've already started to look into it.

I need this... like I really really really need this. I can't go until March though, due to needing to accrue vacation days.