The sadness of not having a love to share the holidays with is truly palpable. I wake up and cry nearly every morning, over one thing or another, but this season, it's really hitting home that I don't have anyone. And I look older. My wrinkles are visible. I may look like I am 45 instead of 54, but my wrinkles are getting worse because I smoke cigarettes, which I cannot seem to quit. I just feel very sad and hopeless right now.