So sorry for your loss @HALLIEBETH87. That's good you got to see him though. How close are you with your sisters? I hope you guys can be good supports to each other.

@Blueberrybook March is the snowiest month in NH, therefore it is the best month in my opinion. October/November/December is the "there's a wide range of temperatures and one day we may get 3 feet of snow and one day we may get 3 inches of rain" time of year and it effin sucks. Also like you said, October-January is a lot of "overindulgence-overindulgence-overindulgence, oh fk the first day of the year time to go to another extreme" especially with food, so my bulimia (might even be anorexia at this point I don't really know) LOVES that....

@raspberrytorte, yeah, I only used a SAD light a few times, but I do remember feeling really restless and irritable while doing it. I don't know if it was affecting my bipolar or having untreated combined-type ADHD just didn't pair well with feeling "required to" sit down in one spot for that long though, but I have heard of it triggering symptoms in bipolar/schizoaffective patients.

They made me see my therapist today, she said I have "interesting thoughts." Our appointments haven't been super consistent the past few months (I skipped a couple and made one over the phone, she cancelled 3), and after last time I saw her I guess she got curious and looked at my vitals chart and was like, "oh, she ISN'T lying when she says she doesn't eat too great these days on account of losing 13% of her weight in 2 months." But it's okay, since I started smoking weed a lot I only lost three pounds.

I have gone a little crazy this week though when I found those pills. I took a lot of sedating ones and just was a zombie for like two days and then yesterday and Wednesday I tried taking 300mg then 450mg of the buproprion in the morning, but it just kinda made me feel like I was on meth (probably because I also took ritalin, supposedly there's a "major" interaction that can cause seizures but I am on a decent dose of Depakote and I've already proven I'm immortal so I just took it after I had to drive anywhere) so had none of that today (but will save for the future).

I didn't really take "everything at once." It was just kinda a couple days of keeping myself in a benzo coma and taking 750mg of buproprion in two days. I don't know if I was hallucinating or paranoid/insecure or if this dude's already tearing me apart, but I swear he was saying I'm a useless parasite who will never find meaningful connection. And then sometimes he does 100% for sure say kind and reassuring stuff that feels genuine. Also I may have asked for sex in a very unique way through text and he sent it to his friends (keeping my info out of the screenshot like a gentleman), and now honestly I'm kinda prepped to be recommended a mental health meme page seeing a caption "this is how my girl says she's dtf" and what I wrote and the pic I sent (all I'll say is the pic was in NO WAY "spicy"). That'd be interesting.

I practiced violin for a decent amount of time today. I've been really really stressed the past few weeks and in the past two weeks I've probably averaged 2.5 hours of practicing various instruments a day. I HATE that I've played the piano because I get COMPULSIVE with writing stuff after I play--as in if I play once for more than ten minutes, for at least the next four days I'll be tapping my fingers doing imaginary chord progressions and harmonies and shyt AND HEAR IT ALL IN MY HEAD AND NOT EVEN ALWAYS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE EITHER! I also hear the guy's voice when I'm alone. Like, actually hear it like he's here, but I'm 99% sure he is not. Maybe he hacked into something and there's a speaker, I don't know. My phone was acting really weird. I got a call FROM MY DAD'S OLD NUMBER like two weeks ago but it was of course not him. "I called" my mom's phone without even being near my phone too, apparently.