For the past little while, I've been wondering if I've been getting better. Ok, so I still think about the event and similar ones fairly often, or at least things that I associate with it (certain words, usually), but I've been feeling perfectly calm about it...to the point where I wondered if I'd been trying to make myself feel worse before. This isn't the first time I've worried that I define myself, or at least my early life, by the event...I often hang on to things that make me "different"...a horrible thing to say about an event like that, I know.

I think the fact that I can't mention it by name here, and that accidentally stumbling across a website with articles on Columbine a few minutes ago gave me all the familiar feelings (I'm still a bit shaky), maybe shows I'm not actually all better, though.