My heart goes out to you ghostsinthehouse. I can't imagine how scary it is right now. I feel if you are in need of meds and feel you are spiraling, I going ip is a good idea. I have never been there since I have been diagnosed. Luckily where I am they have a clinic that does sliding fee. Have you seen if something like that exists around you? May a breakthrough happen for you. Wishing the best for you.