Hello all,

This is my first post - apologies if it does not meet any particular standards or forum etiquette.

If had to summarize in one sentence my question, it is this:

What do I absolutely need to have in place & ready before I inform my spouse I will be separating and filing for divorce, and what can wait until after The Conversation?

I like to hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Simply put, she is the least emotionally-resilient person I think I have ever known. While the odds are low, she could theoretically blow up in anger and burn everything possession I hold dearly the first time I'm out of the house on an errand.

I feel like I'm torn in an impossible situation. I can't afford for her to know The Convo is coming before it comes, but I don't know how to take the steps necessary to protect myself in advance.

Here's a fun twist: I can not drive. I can't just quietly pack up a few boxes and drive them off to storage whenever she's not around. (Plus we have kids I need to stay home and watch while she's out.)

Hopefully, this is paranoia. Obviously I expect sadness, anger, confusion, shock, etc. It's going to be a killer of a life moment. I've been seeing an LMFT therapist, and I'm going to get her advice on how to approach this not just emotionally, but logistically. Will also talk to an attorney.

Did anyone else have this fear? What were the things you knew you had to have ready? What were the first few things you did AFTER the convo? How quickly did you do them?

I am 100% sure I am going to do this. It's weighing on me heavily, but it has to be done. (I'm miserable, have been for many years, she was traumatized very young from a bitter divorce and raised by a man-hating single mom with no energy. My spouse is on a subconscious emotional self-destruct journey to prove to the universe that she is unlovable, and I finally realized I am her self-fulfilling prophecy / blast radius.)

Bleh. Kind of feels good to get that out. While I am thankful for any emotional support, I am primarily interested in -logistical- preparation for this conversation, especially if we assume it will go badly. (My possessions destroyed, locked out of the house with a keypad code change, password changed on important shared accounts like cloud storage, etc.)

Thanks all.