Thank you for the kind welcome, Artie. It helps to not feel so alone.

We had a good ending, to the extent that such a thing can be "good." Several months to prepare. He encouraged me to express each and every complicated emotion and reaction over and over, as much as I needed. We talked openly about love, love in the therapy room, the love we had for each other. We both cried together as the date approached. And now it's over. I have some referrals and I'll be seeing the top person on that list in the new year. I signed off on my former therapist speaking with the new one about me. And if something changes with the insurance situation, I can go back to former therapist any time I want. He said that his door is always open to me.

Writing is excellent advice. I like to write, creatively and professionally, and I have ongoing projects in which I can immerse myself. That feels good. The loss feels enormous, though. I'm no stranger to loss or grief--one of my writing projects is on this topic, in fact--and it will take some time to grapple with this loss, make sense of it. I had a wonderful holiday lunch at a fancy restaurant with my spouse yesterday, and instinctively I was like, "I can't wait to tell--oh, yeah, never mind." Devastating.

I'm sorry that this loss is familiar to you, Artie, however the ending happened, and I truly appreciate your warm welcome and suggestions.