It sounds like your friend may have been declining for some time and that you've been aware of that. I base that on you describing her as aged and frail and having multiple issues. Finding her in the hospital would not then be a shocking scenario. I've visited people in hospital whom I loved very much and never broke down crying in front of them. Like you, I tended to see if there was anyway I could be helpful. I usually started by tyding up their room, or their side of the room. I'ld see if I could help them get more comfortable or if there was something special they'ld like to eat that I could go get. Also, I'ld show an interest in hearing about what the doctors had told them. I think, when you're focused on trying to make yourself useful in some practical way, it calms you down emotionally. I wouldn't recommend sitting and crying in front of your friend.

Tears come when they come. Lack of tears on a given day is no proof of anything. It doesn't mean you're cold-hearted or emotionally shut down. If you care enough to make visits, you're friend is lucky to know you. One of the best things you can do for any very ill person is to distract them from thinking about their illness. When I visit someone in the hospital, I'll sometimes bring popcorn and suggest we watch a movie together.

You're friend's situation may be sad. It sounds like she's dying. That doesn't mean your problems are insignificant compared to hers. It sounds like you are dealing with mental distress of your own. You count too. You may have losses of your own to grieve. We're all going to get sick and die. Sometimes living is the harder thing to cope with.

I wonder if your friend has experienced a lot of pain and if she's currently got adequate pain relief. If that's being addressed, then, perhaps, her needs are being appropriately managed. You may have felt somewhat reassured that she is getting the care she needs. There can be reasons to feel that weeping is not called for. It doesn't mean you don't care or that you are emotionally numb.