Cutman, you are obviously a selfless and thoughtful person. Your nature of being that is so much of the goodness a lot of us feel like we're missing in this world.

That light is already inside of you- but maybe no one, including yourself, is appreciating it at the moment.

You're an interesting person, and obviously quite talented. Jani Lane? That's amazing.

The sad joke is that a lot of people like you and me, and many others here at the forums, tried to put a lot of goodness out there, but some of the people who were most important to us, took advantage of that. They greedily took what we should have kept for ourselves.

To nurture yourself, just ask yourself what you want or need, and then give it to yourself. This is what we did for other people, but not for ourselves. And they didn't return the favor If you don't know what it is you need, don't worry, that's common after you've lost yourself to another's needs. Just come up with something you might like that would feel good- a walk? A bath? A nap? A sandwich? Watching a movie?

The holidays can suck. Even if they're not all bad, there are obligations and expectations, or even old memories, that can make them very stressful for anyone. Get through them one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Just focus on the length of time you can, and work to that moment --- and then do it again.

There are still days that my end goal is nothing more than getting to the end of the day and falling asleep. Some days will be better than others, but if you take care of yourself, hopefully the better ones can outweigh the others before too long.

Sending hugs and prayers your way. Know that I am out here thinking of you.