I am not sure... that anyone will understand... or really care... there is so so much heartbreak in this world... that mine.. is really minor.. and perhaps not really work considering....

I "woke up".. this weekend.. and just realized.. I am disabled.. I am very limited in what I can do...

In the past... despite my body's aches and complaints (had polio as a baby)... and surgeries.. and DX's.. and so on..... my absolute will.. of mind over matter.. always worked..

It only worked.. I believe because I am DID - so.. though I have extreme.. physical pain... I was always able.. to house that pain in another alter and keep going... the pain.. would be "felt" later.. by that alter.... but not by me.. as I went about doing... what I wanted..
The pain... would "lay me up".. sometimes for a few days.. but it was worth it..

Thru therapy... I have co-consiousness enough with alters... that I can no longer do this - placing the pain.. to be held.. until later...

So... I am facing a new way of life.. that is much, much more limited.. and I mourn this...I can't help it.. I am sorry for my feelings... I am very sorry...

Because this seems so minor.... but has a huge impact on my life.. and I grieve..