Tomorrow morning is my last session with P. I feel evil. I'm struggling with this ending and expressing those feelings makes me feel like I'm trying to hold him hostage. I've written him a final letter but I'm feeling really ashamed at how strongly I feel about him. I'm trying to just own my feelings but I don't want to feel foolish if I say I love him. I feel embarrassed even telling you guys that's how I feel. This is really hard. 8.5 years is a long time.