Hi Everyone,
I hope you're having a good holiday seasons. I'm ready for a new year I think. I've been in a pretty rough spot lately emotionally, financially, all the ways you can be. I come and go on here a lot as you already know, but recently the isolation has been extreme. I just sometimes do that and don't realize it.


I did something kinda crazy -- I met the soon-to-be ex husband of my ex in person. We hung out with his best friend and her husband and went to eat, played card games etc... and just had a good time. He's having a hard time but the patterns of behavior with the ex are uncanny, and feels acknowledged because I know what he's going through-- I am after all, the first ex-husband to go through it. He's now becoming the second.

Even though it was nice and we had a good time... I came home yesterday and I just cried. I don't really know why to be honest. I've known for a long time who my ex is, how they are not the person I thought I married and honestly I dodged a bullet getting out when I did. ... but somehow I still feel upset about it. Maybe it's just the memories than come back.

No plans for the new year. I'll probably just be alone, as always. I'm starting to really resent myself for not having any friends or anywhere to go..... (I mean lets face it..I'm hanging out with the guy who stole my ex out from under me because ..??) It is what it is I guess. I wish I were more attractive. I wish I were more fun. I wish people liked me. I wish a lot of things... and I'm not sure I could make any of them true. =\ I did get a new haircut. I'm not sure I like it but everyone around me seems to think it looks good. It's a skin-fade (ive never had my hair so short on the sides before!) I'll grow into I guess. It's just hair.



Anyway, Happy holidays again!