I’ve seen various providers over a decade, and I’ve only gotten worse from lies, permanent side effects of meds, and trauma.

I’m in this thing called ACT (Aaertive community treatment, not the acceptance thing) where they’re on your arse all the time. I have to see them every day to take all my meds and if I ask to not take something I’m fairly sure will kill me from being in alert and driving home or taking something tough on the liver as an alcoholic with hepatitis or just it not working and me deciding to stockpile and overdose.

My team is INCREDIBLY inconsistent, my psychiatrist just prescribed a med that I told her previously has causes delirium. Not psychosis. Not brain fog. I’m talking I felt like I macrodosed hallucinations for two weeks straight, and it was not a good trip.

I don’t know how to get out though. I’m on an anticonvulsant and can’t ween off without risking seizures unless I keep getting street benzos because of the monitoring. If I just stop showing up they call my emergency contact and if they don’t know where I’m at they send the police after me. Trust me, been there, done that.

If I just ask “I don’t want to see you guys anymore,” I’m gonna get a lecture on how it won’t go and they’ll say I have poor insight and will probably go back to that traumatizing psych unit and come out even worse.

I’m a broke POS patient and can only do CMHC where people shoot up in the bathrooms.

I just got out of IP for getting high and bleeding to a point people would die, but I’m not a people, so why do they treat me like a people?