All my "meds" (from the "dr" at the CVS parking lot) have helped more than this suicide-attempt-inducing haldol or that Effexor that made me feel like someone was playing mad scientist with my neurotransmitters. A "smart" person would go back to what worked.

I told my dr today I was afraid of the team and what they're doing to me. So what does she doe? Prescribe an antipsychotic after I told her no ("it'll just be PRN, just try it") that has previously left me thinking--experiencing-- I was on a boat in the middle of the ocean anywhere from half a second to five weeks after breaking into an apartment in MA before getting lost in the woods by the Canadian border and being afraid of being shot for trespassing. It rained cocaine and ants ate that shyt up.

What's physically wrong? How am I supposed to know? Go off my meds and see if everything I have that's listed as a side effect goes away? (I don't plan on showing up tomorrow. I don't plan on telling them. Those evil fkers can go fk themselves. Anyone who goes into the "business" of fking with someone's head deserves to be waterboarded.) Maybe my diet is severely lacking in polar bear kidney. Hell, I'll head northbound tonight. No passport right now, but they don't check, and if I'm g oing against a polar bear I don't have too much concern about coming back.

Maybe it's because I'm a fat fk. Maybe, THIS FATIGUE THAT IS LISTED AS A SIDE EFFECT OF DEPAKOTE BUT COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE CAUSED BY THAT, isn't allowing me to live a life I can actually enjoy. You know. Who the fk is happy when they spend half the day on a bed they were raped in?c

So you know what, you're right, I am smarter than the doctors, so I'm not going to listen to them. I have different values (they value not getting their license taken, I value my own cognitive freedom), so yeah, not even gonna bother with meds anymore. Or therapy where she just says stupid shyt like "oh yeah, of course you hate yourself. Everyone around you hated you growing up, so that makes sense."