Aw really sorry you feel that way inside yourself Muddy, I've read you mention it a few times ((hug)). Yeah, I think there is a difference between the two you mentioned. it's the motive behind the "using" of the substances. Addiction is basically to change/escape/reduce 'negative feelings' and your one is more of a specific self harm, to hurt motive, it would seem. The typical alcoholic just wants to erase the negative feelings etc, not the whole self...(at first.) You're a smart person Muddy, and you obviously understand all your mental health options before you, and I think you're at that critical age period where you'll eventually figure something out for yourself to alleviate it all. You will. And not to get too "woo woo" on you, but don't forget spirituality - the "world of unknown possibilities" too etc. All the best for 2025 🙏