My wife and I separated in the first week of January 2023.

In my post-history from that time period, you can see that a woman came into my life at that time in the early months after my separation. She was about a year out of a bad marriage herself.

I really wanted to plunge back into a relationship because I was so used to working my life around someone else, and I was used to providing care and support to someone else. I was also starved for positivity and just basic contact.

I’m happy to say, I never crossed any lines with that woman towards any kind of a romantic interaction. I was complimentary and supportive towards her, as she was to me, in conversation only. We have remained in this place. I talk to her once or twice a week. Her kids are a bit younger than mine. Maybe once a month we have coffee or lunch. I’ve seen her become better and healthier and stronger as have I. She’s a good friend and that’s all.

Another woman who came to know my story through mutual friends reached out to me in early 2023. She was a huge support with really good advice for my finances. She was still in a bad marriage and was planning her departure. After almost a year of seeing her with mutual friend gatherings I found out she was on her way out of her marriage. . She had umpteen questions for me. The thing is, she was an amazing person; smart, kind, accomplished, funny. A few times her conversations with me became something different and she asked me for a coffee date. Again, I put up boundaries. I realized she was vulnerable and thought she was seeing qualities in me she was missing in her spouse. I made suggestions to her for mental health assessments for him and Gottman marriage counseling for them. Now she credits me with helping save her marriage. Her husband changed meds and they’ve committed to long term counselling.

The things we’ve all said here…. That’s the way forward. When you need something look to yourself for kindness and compassion first. Show yourself care and concern. Put your oxygen mask on first. Once you’re healthy you can be a solid partner in a relationship

And…. In my situation, with older kids in the house who still need me, NO WAY am I going to unsettle them or unsettle the peace by bringing in someone new. I never was a one night stand person either, so hooking up…. No thanks.

If no one else has said it…. The intermittent “highs” of a toxic relationship actually change your brain circuitry. I was an addict, hooked on a high.

I beat my addiction to toxicity. I’m two years clean now.