Muddy you flight help and wellness so hard and embrace chaos and destruction . You do not need to quit treatment you need to change your outlook. Right now you are so bpd. Give it a rest. I realize you feel like you need to fight them, but that’s feelings not facts. Your feelings lead you down dark paths. Please take you meds as prescribed and hand over any that are not prescribed. You can’t expect treatment to work when you are drug ing and cutting so much. It’s you that has to stop the behavior that’s based on feelings. Only then can they help.