Looking back on my 400 pages of posts. I don't think I've ever been stable. I'm good at hiding but not knowing how to tell the truth. Even here I'm not 100% honest. How do I start? She thinks I'm good at identifying symptoms but honestly it's just some of what I notice. She wants to know my actual thoughts. I can't do that. She wants me to refute my thoughts but I don't think she realizes how hard that is. I've only said the safe thoughts and even they are R rated. I didn't write any of those thoughts down though. Or anything that irrationally won. I'm still saving face. I need to stop. How?