Well, no one can tell you what to do, and I'm not a doctor. Your situation just doesn't sound good though, and you know you are not immortal. If you're that close to the edge, maybe it is time to listen to the people you know who are saying you should go IP? Hallucinating, playing with knives, thinking your meds are poison, none of that is good.
Take care of youself 
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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