You do write very well, but I am unclear on why you made statements that odd (nowadays) without explaining the background. Why no prospect of having children at 34? Nowadays it is not old. You will need amniocentesis at your age as the risk of Down syndrome rises at 35, and you probably as not as fertile as you were at 25, but still, lost of women (see Divine's post above have children at your age and older). My son's GF will turn 30 in summer and their plan is to have their first child in the next 4 years (have a wedding first). So, she wants to have a child by 34 and for you, let us say it will take a few more years but still, you can easily squeeze a couple of babies before you hit 40. And nowadays women have children in their 40s, too. So you know of all that, having lived in the modern society, and yet you say that at 34 you have no prospects. Why do you say so?
Similarly, you have lived in the modern society, you know you won't be ridiculed for getting divorced. So why do you say so?
You start you post saying that 7 years ago you, to summarize your beautiful poetic sentences in one dry recap phrase, did not have a good judgment, and that now, were you placed 7 years back via a time machine, you would have exhibited good judgment and made better choices. But in saying that you could not divorce, could not have children, aren't you exhibiting poor judgment now, as we speak?
You say you cannot afford a divorce. What do you mean? Does your husband have a claim to get spousal support from you in the future so high that you would not be able to afford having a separate household? Highly unlikely after a mere 1.5 years of marriage. Do you mean that you cannot afford a lawyer to go through the divorce? What assets would you be splitting up that require expensive legal work? Or do you depend on your husband financially and by saying that you cannot afford a divorce, you mean that you cannot afford living on your own?
Maybe you are just depressed and depression clouds your judgment, making you unable to see a way out where it is actually fairly straightforward to cut the losses. Do look up the concept of "sunk cost" from economic theory, please.
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Bipolar I w/psychotic features
Last inpatient stay in 2018
Lybalvi 10 mg
Naltrexone 75 mg
Gabapentin 1500 mg+Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects)
Long-term side effects from medications, some of them discontinued:
- Hypothyroidism
- Obesity BMI ~ 38
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