I feel completely alone now. Deleted social media including FB messenger which was the one way I could communicate with two of my close friends (but one called the cops on me three times now, so I don't think I'm going to be ever reaching out to him again). When I got back from the hospital I was talking to my bf for a bit, but just felt really overwhelmed and split on him, but thank God I didn't completely freak the f out and just told him to give me some space until I stabilize. It's not like the bridge is burned, but right now I think of him and see red, so I'm just trying not to. It's winter so not as many people are outside to chat with at the park (not like I've even been going too often myself). It's hard to talk to my mom because she's very literal and organized, and can't follow my thoughts as much, whereas she is so detailed when she speaks I get lost and bored, and that's the times I'm not so irritable things go haywire.

I think I'm gonna go for a walk now. I really don't want to leave the house, especially not alone, kinda scared, but it's probably a good idea.