Thanks @MuddyBoots and @Blueberrybook.

I can't use a light or pretty much do anything because I'm waiting for a psilocybin trial. So they took me off Prozac for that and I'm tapering up on Lamictal.

They even wanted me to stop therapy until the trial but I'm not doing that. It's the only place I can talk about what's going on.

So there's no point in seeing my pdoc because we can't do anything.

Yeah the family situation is just stupid. They actually believe that I'm "cured" because I always answer "fine" when they ask how I'm doing, and I'm taking a shower daily. Of course it doesn't matter that I can't stand the shower and it hurts to get dressed. The body pains etc.

Ah well, I have an exit strategy that I'll execute probably in December, maybe earlier if my kids get settled. I'll finally have control over my own affairs without being audited for everything and being monitored. Yeah I'll be alone, but it's better than the crappy life I'm living now.