That is a tough one, and I am sorry for your pain. My ex husband cheated on me, I took him back 8 months later and forgave him. But I didn't trust him, and it was really hard to get that trust back. Every time his phone dinged, I would think it's some woman texting my husband. I wanted to look into his phone all the time, I wanted to see proof that he wasn't cheating again. A woman sent him a t shirt in the mail with a note that had hearts on it and was signed with love, and I flipped out. That was towards the end. He broke many promises to me, and after the last broken promise, I decided I could not trust him (plus he mistreated me), so I left him.

Trust is very difficult to regain after it's been lost. Do not minimize the fact that he hid this and lied to you for a year, then continued to lie about it to you even during his confession. For me, once trust is broken and once a lover has cheated, then it's over and the person cannot be trusted again.

You have to decide for yourself whether you can truly give him another chance and place your trust in him again. Fast forward to next Dec 2025 when he leaves the country again. How are you going to feel when he is away from you? Will you trust him to not cheat and lie to you?

You also make the distinction between staying and leaving and maintaining self respect. Do you feel that you would lose your self respect by forgiving him and believing in him/trusting him again? That's a big issue. Self respect in a relationship is absolutely necessary, along with boundaries. If you feel that by forgiving you will lose self respect, I would think long and hard about leaving vs staying.

I agree with the above poster - this is not black and white and can be confusing and take time to sort through. Take your time to think this through thoroughly. The two big questions you need to answer for yourself are: can you trust him again, with your whole heart, and can you maintain self respect if you decide to stay with him?

Lastly, you are very very young and have your whole life ahead of you. This guy is only one of many relationships you can have and he does have issues. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so to speak, so don't believe he is the only guy you could possibly marry. I was asked to be married by 7 different men before I met my husband and had been engaged once before too. So don't believe this is the only man you could possibly love and have a relationship or marriage and children with. I also find it to be very concerning that he disappeared for a month while traveling. That raises a red flag.

I would think long and hard about this one.