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Old Jan 12, 2025, 04:25 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
Where am I?
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: Live Free or Die!
Posts: 7,105
Not sure how far back they'll want me to go because a lot of times I've either been out of it or it was just a "how are you?" "whatever I answered" "uh, yeah, let's go to the hospital."

-My sleep has sucked-going to start there. I was navhing nightmares before, but I at least slept through them although I felt weird while awake. Now I just stay up until 3 and wake up at 6.
-I have very on and off paranoia and other psychotic symptoms. I might cry thinking someone put a bomb in my car while I'm drving or see/hear stuff not that that's usually unpleasant like people telling me if I screw withvelocity of time, I'm gonna end up screwing up at least a 5% of the universe, but the way they say it I don't know how to not screw with the velocity of time.
-I am more hypervigilant than usual, not sure if med change or time of year.
-I haven't done any cutting since the hospital until last night, and it wasn't really to do physical damage it was more a toned down version of that.

With med changes- I started last Friday a PRN antipsychotic that I take once and it makes me feel tipsy, I take the second dose they tell me to take and I have a hallucinogenic experience. Last night I mixed DXM (recommended dose, not aiming to trip) +the antipsychotic+lorazepam+two trazodones+my regular Depaktoke and it actually was the most normal I felt. My mind just pleasantly wandered and then I went to sleep although woke up feeling a little hungover.

I also, at least with my case manager but it'll come up with pdoc too, have a lot of housing/getting ready to move, and post-hospitalization stuff to take care of, and I still want to see if she can help me get back in school.

What's the most important stuff moving forward? I feel like talking about the OD/SH/hospitalization/police incidents/etc is just going to reinforce that I am a bad person. But I still struggle with it every day. But they didn't help when I struggled with it every day before inpatient....

I know a lot of people write down important stuff to remember to bring it up, but I feel like I could fill a whole notebook.
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"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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