I feel hopeless. I want to die. There's no possible future that will be worth the past and present. My body is forever taken from me; my team doesn't get that, and doesn't want to try and understand. Here I am left damaged at best. Tomorrow they'll be betting if I'm the killer or the killed, or both. For any gram of help from me comes a kilogram of destruction. I won't tolerate their "help" either. Thorazine? Made my face twitch. Geodon? Couldn't pee. Seroquel? Can I hack my limbs off and cut the trunk in half instead? Can I do that instead of going on ANY of the meds they want? I won't hurt anyone after that, and it'll be less painful.