Today I will meet my new therapist. We have already spoken, and he is very empathetic. I mean really, and he has a history of addictions.
If he won't help me, I will stop and redo my plans.

Can't find a job for many days, and don't have money even for utility bills. Freelance sucks, but my country has blocked my Ukrainian payment cards, which prevents me from working. The only jobs available to me now are official, and the payment needs to be sent to a card. Thank god they can't block my international card and because of that I can live now somehow. When can find a job on freelance.

They are blocking my cards because of enormous debt for the bills that my mother didn't pay when I was a kid. I don't live in that flat for 14 years, but it ruins my life. Mother doesn't want to hear about selling it, and I don't want to see her, because she is making my life miserable and hard. She has a second child and is happy with her. My friend said if she has two daughters, she can afford not to give a s*t about one of them.

I dream of going away from this country because I am very disappointed in it. I registered documents for a foreign passport (we have a special passport for traveling abroad) and in the summer my friend goes to Germany, so think I. Idk, I will sell everything big I have like my bicycle and else to have money for this trip. And there are a job and life without the war. I'm so tired of this nonsense, where some people defend their country while others rob their country.

Dropping coffee, because it makes me unstoppable, especially when I'm doing b*llshit. Coffee helps a lot to live in the mornings, but it ruins my nervous system also. Sometimes I can't stop doing things because of it, and my opinion shifts a lot.
It's a third day without coffee, and it's a big deal - I can't stop for years actually. Drinking a lot of tea.
My previous therapist said that this might be due to a narcissistic influence, which has created an emotional roller coaster for me.