Hi all:
I know I've griped about this before, but I still am without answers so I thought I'd try again.

My boyfriend (who is the depressed one - not me - although I'm starting to wonder about myself these days) has been severely depressed in a nonfunctioning way since April. He had had several other bouts of it in the past, but this is the one that just won't go away. His depressed feelings mostly center around his lack of marketability - he hadn't finished his degree (engineering) although he is really really intelligent, and since he had been planning to finish all these years, his part-time jobs that got him through school were not really resume-material.

In June and July, he did nothing but stay in bed all week and either sleep or cry. It was awful. I dragged him several times to a crisis center and got him medication, and he was seeing a therapist once a week, but according to her, he really wouldn't talk much. He just felt like his life was pointless and he had no hope for ever succeeding in anything, so he didn't know why he should bother to try. It absolutely broke my heart and I worried nonstop.

The medication finally started taking visible effect at the beginning of August, and he seems a lot better now. He isn't overly-sensitive anymore, he gets out of bed at a somewhat reasonable hour, and he started doing some of his hobbies again. But, he still can't/won't look for or apply for a job.

Everyone's first reaction when I tell them this is: "dump him; he's a slacker". And really, if I thought he was a slacker that's exactly what I'd do - I'm not stupid. But the thing is, I know that he's not kicking back, watching tv, chuckling to himself about what an easy life he has... in fact, it's the opposite. He is paralyzed with fear about what he should be doing, and is overwhelmed at how to go about getting onto his feet. So he doesn't end up doing anything.

If anyone can get someone organized and give career advice, it's me. I've tried everything - breaking it down into small, manageable steps, helping him do job searches on the internet, helping him with his resume. Suggested part-time jobs, volunteer work, internships, certification courses -- all until I'm blue in the face because he always has some reason why they aren't going to work for him. I eventually found a career counselor for him because at some point I realized that I was making it worse - kind of humiliating for his girlfriend to be holding his hand when it came to his career. He went once then stood her up and hasn't been back. So I know that I have to stop being involved.

That's easier said than done, though (KV - notice how I am breaking up my paragraphs???!!). I really am a nervous wreck about it. My dad is ready to kill him, because my boyfriend lives with me and my dad cannot understand how my boyfriend has such little pride to mooch endlessly off his girlfriend like that. And I can't exactly defend him -- I don't understand how he can allow himself to be dependent on me either. But the times that I've actually asked him that (BIG mistake), he bursts into tears and I realize that he is completely ashamed of himself, but he doesn't know how to get himself out of this mess. He's stuck; completely stuck.

I don't know what to do. I'm totally frustrated. It pisses me off to work all week (especially since I have to travel a lot), only to find out that he hasn't applied for one single job, and as far as I know, he hasn't even looked. I can't give him advice or make suggestions, or else he either seems so overwhelmed that he wants to back to sleep, or he flies into a rage saying that I always complain and that his best efforts are never good enough for him. But face it - are those efforts good enough for anybody? I think I go above and beyond when it comes to giving him the benefit of the doubt.

So, I realize that I can't really help him with the career thing, or even suggest anything to him. My only hope is to try to control my own stress level. I think it would help me to understand how he feels (believe me, I'm trying!) so that the resentment doesn't build up any more than it already has. I'm just trying not to implode. If any of you are in his situation, could you please try to help me understand why this is so hard for him?

Ian is going to be a-ok!