@NovaBlaze, thank you sooo much. Just having someone reply is making me most grateful. Everything you wrote makes perfect sense to me - yes, it's been a long and very difficult week. Yes, continuing to not smoke cigs is a huge achievement, especially after dealing with so much stress. And yes, I am being hard on myself - I typically am.

The guy? I am kicking myself - yes, I can stop pursuing him, but that doesn't stop me from feeling oh so foolish for chasing him in the first place. It's embarrassing to me.

A psychic I called about him told me that he's not a nice person - she said that once he gets comfortable in a relationship, that he is not nice and has a lot of anger.. she used the words emotionally abusive. OYE! I trust this. I call psychics periodically to gain insights on people and situations I face. It's my therapy. I don't pay too much, it's within my budget, and it has been an amazing substitute for therapy since I can't find a therapist.

Point being? Hearing that may or should help me to stop pursuing him.

I think this dating hiatus has been too long for me and now has become detrimental to my health. I am sociable. I like to be connected to people, and to men. I love connection and relating. I am starving and craving it - I am tired of doing everything on my own.

I am barking up the wrong tree though, and I am still not truly ready to actually start dating. So, what,... I chase a man who is undatable?? Non sensical.