I can definitely identify with you since I was in a situation that parallels yours although the details are different.

That you have complex and even mixed feelings about your PE teacher is very understandable to me as I am in the same situation although what happened to me happened almost 60 years ago.

I think it is good that you have a therapist in your corner to help you process everything that happened to you and how it affects you today.

Since I am not completely free of the ghosts of my past, I am the last person on earth to offer you any kind of advice.

I do want to say that I can understanding what you are going through and that my heart goes out to you as a fellow sufferer.